Monday, May 26, 2008
encouraging me to be me
believing in me to succeed
leading me on the path of truth
giving me hints on what to do
you push me to be my best
you make me happy when i'm depressed
you are the one who makes me whole
in my heart and in my soul
you are my savior sent from above
the guardian angel that i love
my god who guides me on the right path
the one who pushes me back on track
when all is lost you give me hope
with all my problems you help me cope
when i fall down you pick me up
you are the stars in my sky
you are my savior sent from above
the guardian angel that i love
my god who guides me on the right path
the one who pushes me back on track
Analysis
This song has a double meaning, at first you will not understand what I am trying
to point out, but as you read through this analysis, and as I analyze these lines, you will get a better understanding. Throughout this whole song, I am talking about two people in a way, god, and this boy. Though the tricky part is, I think I might have found god in this boy, he is like the messiah to my life. So really it is just about one person, but how he feels like my god. And the strong feelings I feel towards him.
The first line that starts off the song, encourage me to be myself, is pretty self-explanatory I feel. This line could be about a boy who loves who am, me myself and I, and he just encourages me to be myself, because that is who he fell in love with. And he doesn't want me to be someone I am not. Leading me on the path of truth , would be the second line, of the first stanza. This could mean, the boy, he always encourages me to not lie, and to tell him the truth, and to tell others the truth, because the truth is better than telling little lies that build up over time, and come back and bite you in the butt. Also that I need to be truthful to my self, because if I lie to myself and tell myself things, its only hurting me and no one else. Believing in me to succeed. This line could be written for a boy, in a sense that he always believes in me, and knows I will grow up to do great things in life. And that no matter what obstacles I face I will get through it no matter how rough of a journey it is. You give me hints to turn my life around , is a line that mainly means this boy I am writing about gives really good advice, when you go to him about my problems, and helps me think of ways to solve my problem. You pull me out of the dumps, this could be trying to say about the guy, and how he is just there for you, and he cheers you up, and just pulls you out of the dumps.
Push me to be all that you know I can be, this line could meanOr it could also mean, that you, the boy, push me, because you know my life is headed in the right path, and you don't want me to throw away my bright future, so you keep nagging me to give it my 100%. you give me the strength to look forward to tomorrow, this line, could mean, my life sometimes, I don't want to continue, but you give me so much strength to just continue on, to just persevere throughout the hard times, and it will all get better soon. You give me the strength to be positive and over look the bad day I have just had. You give me faith to go on in life. is just like the last one. You give me hope that the next day will get better. You give me the faith, and you make me believe miracles can happen, and every thing will get all better. You are the one who makes me whole, this line could mean the boy is a missing piece to my puzzled life. He could be the one guy in my life, every one has the person who completes them, the one who knows them and like is like them, and maybe this boy is that someone for me. and i feel that.. you are my savior sent from up above. the guardian angel in my life. my god who guides me in the right path. the one who pushes me back on track and you watch over me... this is the chorus, it is pretty self explanatory I feel. But the first line, could mean like you are my angel, and like you are my hero, the one who does heroic deeds for the helpless, the helpless being a metaphor for my life. My god who leads me in the right path, just the guidance I need in my life, as I grow up and make mistakes, which I know I will make. The one who pushes me back on track, is the one who just talks to me, and who just comforts me when I don't do good in school, or I lie, or deceive people. The one who just is there to push me back in the right direction of life. And you watch over me, this line definitely could be interpreted in many different ways, but the way I see it most, is that god watches over everyone, to help everyone out, so I am just stating that he watches over me to make sure. Or it could mean that the boy is always looking out for me, to make sure that the choices I am faced with, I choose appropriately, or I don't do things I will regret.
when all is lost you give me hope, this could be interoperated as, the boy, he just encourages you to keep hope in life, because nothing is to worst to live through, you just have to look on the bright side of everything, because there is definitely a bright side. When my courage is dwindling you restore it, this could mean that when I have no faith that I am good, you prove to me that I can do it. I am good I just don't give myself credit for it. You just send signs. Another meaning could be, when I am to scare to try something new, you encourage me to do it, you challenge me to do it, or you try it with me, and hold my hand through it. When I am ready to give up and give in you push me to the finish, this one means, when I don't want to try any more, when I just want to give up, you are right there to encourage me to continue on. You are by my side cheering me on to finish what I started. When I fall down, you are right there to pick me up. I don't know what I would do without you because. This line is very self explanatory. When I fall down, and when I do bad, you are right by my side cheering me up, and telling me I did good. When I trip, you lend a hand to me, to help me get up.
believing in me to succeed
leading me on the path of truth
giving me hints on what to do
you push me to be my best
you make me happy when i'm depressed
you are the one who makes me whole
in my heart and in my soul
you are my savior sent from above
the guardian angel that i love
my god who guides me on the right path
the one who pushes me back on track
when all is lost you give me hope
with all my problems you help me cope
when i fall down you pick me up
you are the stars in my sky
you are my savior sent from above
the guardian angel that i love
my god who guides me on the right path
the one who pushes me back on track
Analysis
This song has a double meaning, at first you will not understand what I am trying
to point out, but as you read through this analysis, and as I analyze these lines, you will get a better understanding. Throughout this whole song, I am talking about two people in a way, god, and this boy. Though the tricky part is, I think I might have found god in this boy, he is like the messiah to my life. So really it is just about one person, but how he feels like my god. And the strong feelings I feel towards him.
The first line that starts off the song, encourage me to be myself, is pretty self-explanatory I feel. This line could be about a boy who loves who am, me myself and I, and he just encourages me to be myself, because that is who he fell in love with. And he doesn't want me to be someone I am not. Leading me on the path of truth , would be the second line, of the first stanza. This could mean, the boy, he always encourages me to not lie, and to tell him the truth, and to tell others the truth, because the truth is better than telling little lies that build up over time, and come back and bite you in the butt. Also that I need to be truthful to my self, because if I lie to myself and tell myself things, its only hurting me and no one else. Believing in me to succeed. This line could be written for a boy, in a sense that he always believes in me, and knows I will grow up to do great things in life. And that no matter what obstacles I face I will get through it no matter how rough of a journey it is. You give me hints to turn my life around , is a line that mainly means this boy I am writing about gives really good advice, when you go to him about my problems, and helps me think of ways to solve my problem. You pull me out of the dumps, this could be trying to say about the guy, and how he is just there for you, and he cheers you up, and just pulls you out of the dumps.
Push me to be all that you know I can be, this line could meanOr it could also mean, that you, the boy, push me, because you know my life is headed in the right path, and you don't want me to throw away my bright future, so you keep nagging me to give it my 100%. you give me the strength to look forward to tomorrow, this line, could mean, my life sometimes, I don't want to continue, but you give me so much strength to just continue on, to just persevere throughout the hard times, and it will all get better soon. You give me the strength to be positive and over look the bad day I have just had. You give me faith to go on in life. is just like the last one. You give me hope that the next day will get better. You give me the faith, and you make me believe miracles can happen, and every thing will get all better. You are the one who makes me whole, this line could mean the boy is a missing piece to my puzzled life. He could be the one guy in my life, every one has the person who completes them, the one who knows them and like is like them, and maybe this boy is that someone for me. and i feel that.. you are my savior sent from up above. the guardian angel in my life. my god who guides me in the right path. the one who pushes me back on track and you watch over me... this is the chorus, it is pretty self explanatory I feel. But the first line, could mean like you are my angel, and like you are my hero, the one who does heroic deeds for the helpless, the helpless being a metaphor for my life. My god who leads me in the right path, just the guidance I need in my life, as I grow up and make mistakes, which I know I will make. The one who pushes me back on track, is the one who just talks to me, and who just comforts me when I don't do good in school, or I lie, or deceive people. The one who just is there to push me back in the right direction of life. And you watch over me, this line definitely could be interpreted in many different ways, but the way I see it most, is that god watches over everyone, to help everyone out, so I am just stating that he watches over me to make sure. Or it could mean that the boy is always looking out for me, to make sure that the choices I am faced with, I choose appropriately, or I don't do things I will regret.
when all is lost you give me hope, this could be interoperated as, the boy, he just encourages you to keep hope in life, because nothing is to worst to live through, you just have to look on the bright side of everything, because there is definitely a bright side. When my courage is dwindling you restore it, this could mean that when I have no faith that I am good, you prove to me that I can do it. I am good I just don't give myself credit for it. You just send signs. Another meaning could be, when I am to scare to try something new, you encourage me to do it, you challenge me to do it, or you try it with me, and hold my hand through it. When I am ready to give up and give in you push me to the finish, this one means, when I don't want to try any more, when I just want to give up, you are right there to encourage me to continue on. You are by my side cheering me on to finish what I started. When I fall down, you are right there to pick me up. I don't know what I would do without you because. This line is very self explanatory. When I fall down, and when I do bad, you are right by my side cheering me up, and telling me I did good. When I trip, you lend a hand to me, to help me get up.
Reflection
This song took a very long time for me. I asked my friend to play the ukulele for me and sing it, it took us like three hours. we had to go outside, and keep retrying it, because we would mess up on something. also my nephew was over, and he wouldnt leave us alone, and he wouldnt be quiet. From doing this project, i realized how much my friends mean to me, and how much they have helped me through life, and how much i believe in god now. Also, that if you take the time to do something, the result will turn out very good, and successful. so in reality, i am glad we had this project as a final.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Peace, Love, and God
Seeming to miss you like twenty four seven
You're always tapping into my dreams
I swear you're like a tiny piece of heaven
It's like loving someone to the extremes
Wishing I could see you everyday
Wondering what you are thinking about
Sometimes I wish you didn't move away
Though lingering in my mind is doubt
Do you ever miss me like I miss you?
When you say I love you do you mean it
Do I ever cheer you up when you are blue?
Are you willing to just give in and quit?
No matter what I do you have no clue
Through thick or thin I will still love you
ANALYSIS
As you can tell by just reading this sonnet, the theme is love. Though it is about love, it could be written in a different form of perspective. A different perspective would be if it was written from the eyes of a "hippie" type person, one who wishes that there would be peace on earth, and every one was caring, and loving. Or even someone's strong belief in god, and how much someone loved him, and had faith, and was a true believer. In each of the following paragraphs, I will analyze the 3 stanzas, and one couplet.
"Seeming to miss you like twenty-four seven." This could be the writer missing the peace, and when there were no wars on earth, and any killers were not killers, and maniacs in the world who do injustice. It could also be that they miss god, and they miss him being present, and missing all those people who are not strong believers any more. Those who turn away from god, they miss them. "You're always tapping into my dreams." Could state that I always dreams about peace, but then it never happens, and it's just a dream. Or just god sending you a message through your dream maybe. "I swear you are a tiny piece of heaven. " this could mean, like they hear about how beautiful and peaceful heaven is, so maybe I want this line to send a message, that peace is just like a safe sanctuary, just like heaven except its on earth. Or maybe because love is so confusing, and there are many different complications to it, its like god, and the information. Like every time the complications are different for love, and in the different religions, there are different gods, and heaven, no one can ever fully understand heaven, just like no one probably will ever fully understand love. "I swear its like loving someone to the extremes." This could mean, that I am so in love with god, and wants peace in this world so bad, that its extreme, and there is nothing in the world that he wants more, or believes in more.
The second stanza, is where the sonnet starts to change and go off in a different direction, it goes from myself loving it so much, and then in the second stanza it changes and heads off in a negative direction. "Wishing I could see you everyday." I wrote this in a way, where, I wish that peace was present everyday, and that the soldiers were not up in Iraq, but down with their families. Or that god was on this earth still, and not up there because he died for our sins. "Wondering what you are thinking about." This line, I wrote it on how god created everyone, and what he thinks about his creations. Wondering if he ever regrets creating us, because of all our sins. Also it could be written in sense, where I was wondering what Bush is thinking about, creating this war, and deploying soldiers out, this is the opposite of peace. "Sometimes I wish you didn't move away." This line is a little trickier, I put deep thought in to how to symbolize this line, and make it a metaphor. Well moving away in a sense, that they have left us, god has left this earth, and peace has been gone for many years now. And wishing that peace stayed here, and that there was no wars, and wishing that god was still on this earth, still appreciating his life down here. "Though lingering in my mind is doubt." This line also was difficult, it had to have another meaning in a way, I also needed a word that would rhyme. Though this line, is the change of the sonnet, it is the line that switches the pattern from a positive outlook to a negative outlook.
"Do you ever miss me like I miss you?" this line was meant to be taken as a question. Like I am questioning if god ever misses those who are not believers, like we thee believers miss him, or if people ever miss peace like myself, and if technically speaking, if peace ever misses us. "when you say I love you, do you mean it?" Every one says god loves you and will always watch over us, does he mean it, I mean people in their life, take so many wrong paths, and make so many wrong choices, does god really love us? If he did would he let us be taking those wrong paths. "do I ever cheer you up, like you do when I am blue?" For this line, I, just chose to write about love, he didn't metaphorically speak for this line. I just wrote this line on love. "are you willing to just give in and quit?" everyone says of how there will never peace on earth, well I am asking, peace, are you willing to just go hide away in a hole, or are you going to do something about it. People are you just going to quit and give up on stopping the wars. Also god, everyone says that world is going to end in 2012. Are you just quitting, have we sinned that much, are you quitting on us, I know a lot has sinned so much, enough to just give up on the world and just make it end. "No matter what I do, you still have no clue." No matter how much I pray for peace, it never comes. So its like no matter how much I care or how much I do, nothing ever happens, and no one ever knows or has a clue. "through thick or thin, I will still love you." The last line of the sonnet, I think the author was trying to say, that no matter how rough, no matter what he/she has to face, they will still love it. Like for peace, no matter how much I have to pray, I will still keep praying, because I love peace, and I want it to be present in our world today. Or even god, no matter how much harder I have to try to not sin, I will do it, because I love and appreciate god in that way so much. I will do any thing.
This sonnet has many different meanings to it. I wrote it for a love a boy, god and love for peace in the world.
You're always tapping into my dreams
I swear you're like a tiny piece of heaven
It's like loving someone to the extremes
Wishing I could see you everyday
Wondering what you are thinking about
Sometimes I wish you didn't move away
Though lingering in my mind is doubt
Do you ever miss me like I miss you?
When you say I love you do you mean it
Do I ever cheer you up when you are blue?
Are you willing to just give in and quit?
No matter what I do you have no clue
Through thick or thin I will still love you
ANALYSIS
As you can tell by just reading this sonnet, the theme is love. Though it is about love, it could be written in a different form of perspective. A different perspective would be if it was written from the eyes of a "hippie" type person, one who wishes that there would be peace on earth, and every one was caring, and loving. Or even someone's strong belief in god, and how much someone loved him, and had faith, and was a true believer. In each of the following paragraphs, I will analyze the 3 stanzas, and one couplet.
"Seeming to miss you like twenty-four seven." This could be the writer missing the peace, and when there were no wars on earth, and any killers were not killers, and maniacs in the world who do injustice. It could also be that they miss god, and they miss him being present, and missing all those people who are not strong believers any more. Those who turn away from god, they miss them. "You're always tapping into my dreams." Could state that I always dreams about peace, but then it never happens, and it's just a dream. Or just god sending you a message through your dream maybe. "I swear you are a tiny piece of heaven. " this could mean, like they hear about how beautiful and peaceful heaven is, so maybe I want this line to send a message, that peace is just like a safe sanctuary, just like heaven except its on earth. Or maybe because love is so confusing, and there are many different complications to it, its like god, and the information. Like every time the complications are different for love, and in the different religions, there are different gods, and heaven, no one can ever fully understand heaven, just like no one probably will ever fully understand love. "I swear its like loving someone to the extremes." This could mean, that I am so in love with god, and wants peace in this world so bad, that its extreme, and there is nothing in the world that he wants more, or believes in more.
The second stanza, is where the sonnet starts to change and go off in a different direction, it goes from myself loving it so much, and then in the second stanza it changes and heads off in a negative direction. "Wishing I could see you everyday." I wrote this in a way, where, I wish that peace was present everyday, and that the soldiers were not up in Iraq, but down with their families. Or that god was on this earth still, and not up there because he died for our sins. "Wondering what you are thinking about." This line, I wrote it on how god created everyone, and what he thinks about his creations. Wondering if he ever regrets creating us, because of all our sins. Also it could be written in sense, where I was wondering what Bush is thinking about, creating this war, and deploying soldiers out, this is the opposite of peace. "Sometimes I wish you didn't move away." This line is a little trickier, I put deep thought in to how to symbolize this line, and make it a metaphor. Well moving away in a sense, that they have left us, god has left this earth, and peace has been gone for many years now. And wishing that peace stayed here, and that there was no wars, and wishing that god was still on this earth, still appreciating his life down here. "Though lingering in my mind is doubt." This line also was difficult, it had to have another meaning in a way, I also needed a word that would rhyme. Though this line, is the change of the sonnet, it is the line that switches the pattern from a positive outlook to a negative outlook.
"Do you ever miss me like I miss you?" this line was meant to be taken as a question. Like I am questioning if god ever misses those who are not believers, like we thee believers miss him, or if people ever miss peace like myself, and if technically speaking, if peace ever misses us. "when you say I love you, do you mean it?" Every one says god loves you and will always watch over us, does he mean it, I mean people in their life, take so many wrong paths, and make so many wrong choices, does god really love us? If he did would he let us be taking those wrong paths. "do I ever cheer you up, like you do when I am blue?" For this line, I, just chose to write about love, he didn't metaphorically speak for this line. I just wrote this line on love. "are you willing to just give in and quit?" everyone says of how there will never peace on earth, well I am asking, peace, are you willing to just go hide away in a hole, or are you going to do something about it. People are you just going to quit and give up on stopping the wars. Also god, everyone says that world is going to end in 2012. Are you just quitting, have we sinned that much, are you quitting on us, I know a lot has sinned so much, enough to just give up on the world and just make it end. "No matter what I do, you still have no clue." No matter how much I pray for peace, it never comes. So its like no matter how much I care or how much I do, nothing ever happens, and no one ever knows or has a clue. "through thick or thin, I will still love you." The last line of the sonnet, I think the author was trying to say, that no matter how rough, no matter what he/she has to face, they will still love it. Like for peace, no matter how much I have to pray, I will still keep praying, because I love peace, and I want it to be present in our world today. Or even god, no matter how much harder I have to try to not sin, I will do it, because I love and appreciate god in that way so much. I will do any thing.
This sonnet has many different meanings to it. I wrote it for a love a boy, god and love for peace in the world.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Final of Janeee
I kept thinking of Jane, what she did with Stradlater that night, why she always kept her king in the back row while we would play chess, that day she was crying and I was there for her. So because of that, and because I was back home I decided to walk to her house and see her.
As I walked out of my house, Phoebe stopped me. "Where are you going so late at night? Daddy'll kill you!
"God damn will you stop being so nosey. I am going to see Jane, and all daddy'll not kill me."
So as I walked down the steps of my house, and made the turn on the sidewalk leading down towards the house, I kept thinking of her. I was walking in the dark, and it was quiet. I finally reached Jane's porch. As I walked up the stairs I started to get nervous, I got butterflies in my stomach; I didn’t want to ring the doorbell. I stood there, looking at the familiar yet foreign porch; it hadn’t changed much since Jane and I were sitting on it playing our chess. I just thought to myself, goddamn ring the bell already. I finally got the nerve to ring it, as the door slowly opened. I felt my heartbeat race up, I kept thinking of what to say to Jane so I didn’t seem like a phony, or a dumb ass. The door opened all the way, it was just Jane's mom.
"Is Jane home?" I asked her mom, and she answered, "No she went out. Somewhere but she will be back in a little. If you would like to stick around, and wait for her you may." So I entered the house. I haven’t been in that house for over 10 years now. Still I had no clue of what to say to Jane yet. "I haven’t seen you around lately, but make yourself comfortable." She said. So I just sat down on the couch right by the door. "Excuse me, where is the can?" I questioned "up the stairs." She replied. I walked up the creaky stairs and walked down the hall to the can, as I was walking I looked at the house; all these mixed feelings came to me. I missed that house; I missed those memories, I was anxious to be back in the house. I got the can and used it. After walking out, I peeked into Jane's room; it still looked the same since 10 years ago. So I entered. I did feel a little guilty as to give her privacy but it wasn’t like I was harming any one. So I just stayed, I sat on her bed, and looked around. I looked straight on to her counter top; there was this red box. So I opened the box, and I looked inside, all I saw was goddamn papers. Why the hell does that interest me? Well I looked through and I saw this one poem and it said the THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU. I am guessing it was from Jane writing about the guy she liked so I decided to be a goddamn nosey kid and I read it.
Every day I look forward to the times with you.
I know I can count on you when I feel blue
You're always the one to cheer me up
You make me smile
And I know I haven’t known you for a while
But I have strong feelings toward you
I don’t know what to do
You're always on my mind
You are so sweet and kind
I love to hang around with you, and cant wait till the next day
I always look at the clock, after you leave, counting the seconds till I can see you again
I don’t know what to say
Except for the fact that I LOVE YOU!
Holden, I keep my kings in the back row for a reason, I keep them there so I d don’t lose them, and to be honest I hope you're the king in my life of chess.
I read this, and I felt something, I don’t know I never felt this way before, why do I feel so strongly about Jane. Why do I always think about her? Is it because she is the only thing in my life that isn't phony, is she the only person that isn't phony? Is it because she isn't a sunuvabitch? I think I feel the same way about Jane, I wonder when she wrote this. As I hear footsteps coming up the stairs, I panicked. I just threw everything into the box, and I put it back where I got it, I ran out of the doorway of Jane's room, and acted like I came from the bathroom. Jane walked up the stairs.
"Holden what are you doing here. I haven’t seen you in over ten years." She said
"I don’t know I just wanted to come by and visit, see how you were doing. Maybe to come just chat and maybe even just play a little chess. And just talk and get reacquainted." As I said this, I was nervous trying to hide the fact that I read something. I was just trying to cover up my goddamn back. I wasn’t doing to great of a job though, I could feel my self-sweating, and I felt flush.
"Holden what's on your mind? I know something is wrong." She questioned.
Is that why I kept thinking about Jane, because she always knew when something was up, and she always knew what was going on, what was the reasoning, I still couldn’t figure it out. I was stuck on that and the fact if I should tell her I read the poem or just let it go, because it was from a long time ago, and she probably still doesn’t feel the same. So I just decided to be a man, and just come out with it.
"Actually Jane there is something on my mind. You see tonight I came here to talk too you, and you were not home, and so I was invited into your house, and well while I was walking to the bathroom, I sort of walked right into your room, looked around and sort of just looked in your red box, and read a poem. And before you think about getting mad, I feel the same way about you. I missed playing chess with you. I really like you and I cant stop thinking about you…" "Uhmmm.." Jane tried to interrupt. "No let me finish, I am not done. I am so sorry for going through your stuff, but I really do care for you and this is no lie. I don’t exactly know what I am attracted to, whether it is that you're not phony, or that you know how to play chess well, or your independence, I don’t know at all. All I know is that I am attracted to you." I finished. "Are you dong?" she asked me. She seemed to be a little angry. "Yess." I answered very timidly. I was afraid she would never want to talk to me again. "Look I wasn’t home because I heard you were back, and I came to talk to you. I know you were Stradlaters roommate, and he did mention you asking about me, after that night, I just couldn’t get you off my mind either. So I went over to your house to come see you to tell you everything, but you were not there. Everything I wrote about you is all true, that’s the truth, and I still feel that way about you. We didn’t work out back then, but I want it to work out now. Please, I wrote another thing for you to read out loud, but I will do it for you. Here I go:
You were asking about me and that filled me with glee
So now I decided to give you the key
The key to my heart
I know you are very smart, and I know you can go far in life
And some day I hope to be your wife
I really want to spend the rest of my life with you
So please give it a chance
I really do care about you
And I hope you care about me too
I just love you that’s all.
As she finished that poem all I could do was smile. The grin on my face was so big, so big that all my teeth were showing. I never showed that much emotion and I never cared about any thing in my life as much as this. All I could do was just sit there in awe; I know that made it so goddamn awkward. So I just said I love you to, and I hope I don’t every hurt her because I could never dream of doing that to her. I realized that I don’t have to life to myself any more, when I am around her I am different, I can just be me. I don’t have to act all tough, I know that between me and Jane everything is so goddamn real, and maybe that is the reason why I fell hard for her. I hope this goddamn thing works out.
Analysis
My story is on Jane, and Holden ending up together. Holden finds a poem written by Jane back when they were younger, and it says her feelings for him, and then Holden finally figured out that being phony is dumb, and he shouldn’t act tough any more. And he also revealed his more sensitive side. I wrote this story in this way, because I always figured that Jane and Holden would end up together. I mean they have the history. They go back a long time, and back when they used to play chess, they had chemistry. In the book, Holden would say how they would hold hands, and how he liked her, and everyone knew she liked him. Also when Holden kept thinking of Jane, and how he kept wondering what happened on the date with Stradlater. So I just pictured them ending up together. I wrote that last part of the poem, about the king in the back row as a metaphor. I didn’t exactly know why it is mentioned in the book so I just assumed.
I also tried to reveal Holden's more sensitive side, I know he has one, he just tries to have it and act all tough, but now I made it so that he finally realized that he could himself. Because Jane is herself, and she isn't phony, and that’s why he likes her, because he can be himself. I feel that he is sensitive because he really does care about things, it may not seem like it, or it may not be obvious but he does show it. Like that one day, that him and Jane were playing chess, Jane's step dad came out and asked her for a cigarette, and he kept asking her, once he left, she started to cry, Holden moved by her, and started to comfort that, I am sure that shows sensitivity.
As I walked out of my house, Phoebe stopped me. "Where are you going so late at night? Daddy'll kill you!
"God damn will you stop being so nosey. I am going to see Jane, and all daddy'll not kill me."
So as I walked down the steps of my house, and made the turn on the sidewalk leading down towards the house, I kept thinking of her. I was walking in the dark, and it was quiet. I finally reached Jane's porch. As I walked up the stairs I started to get nervous, I got butterflies in my stomach; I didn’t want to ring the doorbell. I stood there, looking at the familiar yet foreign porch; it hadn’t changed much since Jane and I were sitting on it playing our chess. I just thought to myself, goddamn ring the bell already. I finally got the nerve to ring it, as the door slowly opened. I felt my heartbeat race up, I kept thinking of what to say to Jane so I didn’t seem like a phony, or a dumb ass. The door opened all the way, it was just Jane's mom.
"Is Jane home?" I asked her mom, and she answered, "No she went out. Somewhere but she will be back in a little. If you would like to stick around, and wait for her you may." So I entered the house. I haven’t been in that house for over 10 years now. Still I had no clue of what to say to Jane yet. "I haven’t seen you around lately, but make yourself comfortable." She said. So I just sat down on the couch right by the door. "Excuse me, where is the can?" I questioned "up the stairs." She replied. I walked up the creaky stairs and walked down the hall to the can, as I was walking I looked at the house; all these mixed feelings came to me. I missed that house; I missed those memories, I was anxious to be back in the house. I got the can and used it. After walking out, I peeked into Jane's room; it still looked the same since 10 years ago. So I entered. I did feel a little guilty as to give her privacy but it wasn’t like I was harming any one. So I just stayed, I sat on her bed, and looked around. I looked straight on to her counter top; there was this red box. So I opened the box, and I looked inside, all I saw was goddamn papers. Why the hell does that interest me? Well I looked through and I saw this one poem and it said the THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU. I am guessing it was from Jane writing about the guy she liked so I decided to be a goddamn nosey kid and I read it.
Every day I look forward to the times with you.
I know I can count on you when I feel blue
You're always the one to cheer me up
You make me smile
And I know I haven’t known you for a while
But I have strong feelings toward you
I don’t know what to do
You're always on my mind
You are so sweet and kind
I love to hang around with you, and cant wait till the next day
I always look at the clock, after you leave, counting the seconds till I can see you again
I don’t know what to say
Except for the fact that I LOVE YOU!
Holden, I keep my kings in the back row for a reason, I keep them there so I d don’t lose them, and to be honest I hope you're the king in my life of chess.
I read this, and I felt something, I don’t know I never felt this way before, why do I feel so strongly about Jane. Why do I always think about her? Is it because she is the only thing in my life that isn't phony, is she the only person that isn't phony? Is it because she isn't a sunuvabitch? I think I feel the same way about Jane, I wonder when she wrote this. As I hear footsteps coming up the stairs, I panicked. I just threw everything into the box, and I put it back where I got it, I ran out of the doorway of Jane's room, and acted like I came from the bathroom. Jane walked up the stairs.
"Holden what are you doing here. I haven’t seen you in over ten years." She said
"I don’t know I just wanted to come by and visit, see how you were doing. Maybe to come just chat and maybe even just play a little chess. And just talk and get reacquainted." As I said this, I was nervous trying to hide the fact that I read something. I was just trying to cover up my goddamn back. I wasn’t doing to great of a job though, I could feel my self-sweating, and I felt flush.
"Holden what's on your mind? I know something is wrong." She questioned.
Is that why I kept thinking about Jane, because she always knew when something was up, and she always knew what was going on, what was the reasoning, I still couldn’t figure it out. I was stuck on that and the fact if I should tell her I read the poem or just let it go, because it was from a long time ago, and she probably still doesn’t feel the same. So I just decided to be a man, and just come out with it.
"Actually Jane there is something on my mind. You see tonight I came here to talk too you, and you were not home, and so I was invited into your house, and well while I was walking to the bathroom, I sort of walked right into your room, looked around and sort of just looked in your red box, and read a poem. And before you think about getting mad, I feel the same way about you. I missed playing chess with you. I really like you and I cant stop thinking about you…" "Uhmmm.." Jane tried to interrupt. "No let me finish, I am not done. I am so sorry for going through your stuff, but I really do care for you and this is no lie. I don’t exactly know what I am attracted to, whether it is that you're not phony, or that you know how to play chess well, or your independence, I don’t know at all. All I know is that I am attracted to you." I finished. "Are you dong?" she asked me. She seemed to be a little angry. "Yess." I answered very timidly. I was afraid she would never want to talk to me again. "Look I wasn’t home because I heard you were back, and I came to talk to you. I know you were Stradlaters roommate, and he did mention you asking about me, after that night, I just couldn’t get you off my mind either. So I went over to your house to come see you to tell you everything, but you were not there. Everything I wrote about you is all true, that’s the truth, and I still feel that way about you. We didn’t work out back then, but I want it to work out now. Please, I wrote another thing for you to read out loud, but I will do it for you. Here I go:
You were asking about me and that filled me with glee
So now I decided to give you the key
The key to my heart
I know you are very smart, and I know you can go far in life
And some day I hope to be your wife
I really want to spend the rest of my life with you
So please give it a chance
I really do care about you
And I hope you care about me too
I just love you that’s all.
As she finished that poem all I could do was smile. The grin on my face was so big, so big that all my teeth were showing. I never showed that much emotion and I never cared about any thing in my life as much as this. All I could do was just sit there in awe; I know that made it so goddamn awkward. So I just said I love you to, and I hope I don’t every hurt her because I could never dream of doing that to her. I realized that I don’t have to life to myself any more, when I am around her I am different, I can just be me. I don’t have to act all tough, I know that between me and Jane everything is so goddamn real, and maybe that is the reason why I fell hard for her. I hope this goddamn thing works out.
Analysis
My story is on Jane, and Holden ending up together. Holden finds a poem written by Jane back when they were younger, and it says her feelings for him, and then Holden finally figured out that being phony is dumb, and he shouldn’t act tough any more. And he also revealed his more sensitive side. I wrote this story in this way, because I always figured that Jane and Holden would end up together. I mean they have the history. They go back a long time, and back when they used to play chess, they had chemistry. In the book, Holden would say how they would hold hands, and how he liked her, and everyone knew she liked him. Also when Holden kept thinking of Jane, and how he kept wondering what happened on the date with Stradlater. So I just pictured them ending up together. I wrote that last part of the poem, about the king in the back row as a metaphor. I didn’t exactly know why it is mentioned in the book so I just assumed.
I also tried to reveal Holden's more sensitive side, I know he has one, he just tries to have it and act all tough, but now I made it so that he finally realized that he could himself. Because Jane is herself, and she isn't phony, and that’s why he likes her, because he can be himself. I feel that he is sensitive because he really does care about things, it may not seem like it, or it may not be obvious but he does show it. Like that one day, that him and Jane were playing chess, Jane's step dad came out and asked her for a cigarette, and he kept asking her, once he left, she started to cry, Holden moved by her, and started to comfort that, I am sure that shows sensitivity.
Friday, February 8, 2008
The Ex Factor
The Ex- Factor
"Ok do you really want to hear?" asked Nicole
" Yes, every detail." Answered all her friends that surrounded her.
See the school that Nicole attended, was a school where there were clicks. There are a lot of clicks actually. The grade was separated into, many groups, one was the good football jocks, and the popular, rich haouli's, there was also the weirdoes that hung out together, the soccer chicks, the bridge kids, and many more, and then there was the good baseball boys, along with the Asian girls, we were known as the Asian gang. You see within every group there was drama stirring within.
"Ok so you really want to hear?"
"Yes already."
"Ok, well a month ago, I started to date Billy Bob and yea!" I started.
"Hello, he is in our group, we know how it started off." My friends rudely gestured.
"Ok, well we were doing fine, when we first started going out. It was all fine, but then that goddamn boy started to become touchy. Every single time, he would put his arm around me, or around my shoulder, and slowly, down my back his hand would fall, and finally ending up right behind my butt." I was telling the story.
"So is that why you broke up with him? Cause now there is choke drama." They questioned me.
You see in my group, I was the source of drama. Ever since Billy Bob and I broke up, it has been so awkward. Every time we are with our friends we never talk. He is so god damn immature. He can't even talk to me; all he can talk to me about is school. What a weird person. All he ever does is stare when I am with his friends, he has those eyes of fire, as if he were jealous or something. Every group outing too, he just stares, if he were to stare any more, he would burn a whole through me.
"Yes and no." I replied to that question.
Just looking at me, my friends stood there with a confused look on their faces.
"No, I mean, like I sort of broke up with him, because he is touchy, but also because he is so cocky. Heck he is so god damn full of himself. Hell if he were any more full of himself he would blow up. Seriously no joke. Also, he always tried to talk me into doing things I really didn’t want to do, and he would always joke around about the same stuff all the time, like all the same inside jokes. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is so annoying. Sometimes he just made me…."
"Ok Nicole we got it, he got on your nerves." My friend rudely interrupted me. "You can't honestly say that you didn’t like someone else." She added with a subtle yet big grin on her face.
So there sort of was another guy involved in this picture, but he had nothing to do with the break up. Well a small part to do with the break up. I always thought if that was one of the reasons why Reid was so salty towards me. I always kept thinking he was just a salty, immature guy. Heck I thought everyone thought that. But it's not like anyone really cares its Reid, no just kidding, but really no one really understands why.
Now it's been about two months, and the awkwardness hasn’t died down yet. It is still very awkward. He still stares, he still just watches me when I am with our group. And every group outing, it is still very weird. I try to make an effort to make conversation with him, but there is no point, he never really tries. All he wants to talk to me about is the guy I like, the guy; he thinks I broke up with him for. Well heck here is a reality check for him, I didn’t break up with him for that guy. But I don’t care; he can do what he like.
"Ok do you really want to hear?" asked Nicole
" Yes, every detail." Answered all her friends that surrounded her.
See the school that Nicole attended, was a school where there were clicks. There are a lot of clicks actually. The grade was separated into, many groups, one was the good football jocks, and the popular, rich haouli's, there was also the weirdoes that hung out together, the soccer chicks, the bridge kids, and many more, and then there was the good baseball boys, along with the Asian girls, we were known as the Asian gang. You see within every group there was drama stirring within.
"Ok so you really want to hear?"
"Yes already."
"Ok, well a month ago, I started to date Billy Bob and yea!" I started.
"Hello, he is in our group, we know how it started off." My friends rudely gestured.
"Ok, well we were doing fine, when we first started going out. It was all fine, but then that goddamn boy started to become touchy. Every single time, he would put his arm around me, or around my shoulder, and slowly, down my back his hand would fall, and finally ending up right behind my butt." I was telling the story.
"So is that why you broke up with him? Cause now there is choke drama." They questioned me.
You see in my group, I was the source of drama. Ever since Billy Bob and I broke up, it has been so awkward. Every time we are with our friends we never talk. He is so god damn immature. He can't even talk to me; all he can talk to me about is school. What a weird person. All he ever does is stare when I am with his friends, he has those eyes of fire, as if he were jealous or something. Every group outing too, he just stares, if he were to stare any more, he would burn a whole through me.
"Yes and no." I replied to that question.
Just looking at me, my friends stood there with a confused look on their faces.
"No, I mean, like I sort of broke up with him, because he is touchy, but also because he is so cocky. Heck he is so god damn full of himself. Hell if he were any more full of himself he would blow up. Seriously no joke. Also, he always tried to talk me into doing things I really didn’t want to do, and he would always joke around about the same stuff all the time, like all the same inside jokes. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is so annoying. Sometimes he just made me…."
"Ok Nicole we got it, he got on your nerves." My friend rudely interrupted me. "You can't honestly say that you didn’t like someone else." She added with a subtle yet big grin on her face.
So there sort of was another guy involved in this picture, but he had nothing to do with the break up. Well a small part to do with the break up. I always thought if that was one of the reasons why Reid was so salty towards me. I always kept thinking he was just a salty, immature guy. Heck I thought everyone thought that. But it's not like anyone really cares its Reid, no just kidding, but really no one really understands why.
Now it's been about two months, and the awkwardness hasn’t died down yet. It is still very awkward. He still stares, he still just watches me when I am with our group. And every group outing, it is still very weird. I try to make an effort to make conversation with him, but there is no point, he never really tries. All he wants to talk to me about is the guy I like, the guy; he thinks I broke up with him for. Well heck here is a reality check for him, I didn’t break up with him for that guy. But I don’t care; he can do what he like.
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